Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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