dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
