Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
