I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
