i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
