I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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