wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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