Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
