So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
