I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
