so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
