the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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