i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
