my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
