he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
