yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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