im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize