This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
