I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
so much tequila, so little girl.
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