she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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