i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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