the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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