K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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