A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
