So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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