i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
