Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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