What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
