that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
