I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
