I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
