He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
