You made me cry and you don't even care
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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