I am puke
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
