Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
