I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
