What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
