You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
