I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
