I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
