She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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