Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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