Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
