Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
