dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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