my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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