So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
only you would photoshop your dick
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
