no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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