He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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