I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
