Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
