you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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