are you still at the devil's house?
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
