can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
two words...techno handjob
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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