So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
