He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
