I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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