So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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