I want to have your abortion
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
