GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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