I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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