The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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