there's paper in my vomit.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
