would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
