What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
