Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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