I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I look better un-naked...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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