I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
