I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize